Friday, June 11^th, 2010. “Searching Outside The Family For Similar Values, Part VIII, My Senior Year at Crane High School, Late Night Talks with Aunt Betty, Coach Vaughn and My Conflicts Resolving”

Aunt Betty and I continued to have our late night talks.  We would sit and listen to R&B songs on the radio.  She tried to teach me some dance moves for our upcoming senior prom, but I had two left feet.  She would tell me many stories, some are still vague memories, but some are as clear as looking out a window on a sunny day.  Aunt Betty was the first to talk to me about my biological father.  She told me his name was Lawrence “Larry” Woodson and he lived in a southern suburb.  She told me that I should a least meet him once in my life.  She said everyone called him “Butch” while they were all in high school in Marvell, Arkansas. She said he was a good person.

Aunt Betty never suggested I become a doctor, lawyer, a teacher, or any particular profession. She would say similar things as Aunt Ida but in different ways.

“Daddy and Mamma wanted all of us to use education to better ourselves. Daddy especially wanted you to use education to make a better life for yourself. So what you do with that education is up to you. But he never saw you becoming a big time professional athlete.”

I had no reply to those statements. No understanding to bring any clarity to this insightfulness, but they were stored into my mind. The understanding came much later!

My junior and senior year I participated in the school’s student employment program.  It was an employment program in collaboration with many downtown businesses and inner city schools.  The program’s purpose was to provide employment to high school juniors and seniors.  We received credits towards graduation for attending the program and had to make satisfactory progress in all of our other classes at school in order to continue in the program. Ms Loving was the director and she did a great job of getting the students jobs.  I worked in the early mornings from 7:00 am to 11:00 am and would arrive back at school around 12:00 each day.

Sometimes I would go straight to Ms. Loving’s office and let her know how things were going on the job assignment.  We made lots of small talk.  She told me that she lived in a southern suburb called Markham.  I told her that I was thinking about trying to contact my biological father who at the time was living in Harvey, another southern suburb near Markham.  Ms. Loving said that she would be willing to help me if I needed her assistance.  I told her thanks but I haven’t made up my mind yet and wasn’t sure how my grandparents would feel about this.

This was during the heart of the basketball season and I didn’t want to add more stress on my young mind.  Dealing with living in K-Town, the conflicts and the shame of not living up to my basketball potential in a basketball obsessed environment, my confidence shaky at best, and not having any answers. No thanks!

I constantly reflected on Coach White’s statements along with Aunt Betty’s insights and her sharing my grandfather’s hopes for me.  It took a statement from Coach Vaughn to bring all of the pieces together.

Tuesday, June 15^th, 2010, “Searching Outside Of The Family For Similar Values”, Part IV, My Senior Year at Crane High School, Coach Vaughn and My conflicts Coming to An End!

Tuesday, June 8^th 2010, “Searching Outside The Family For Similar Values, Part VII, My Senior Year at Crane High School, Coach White, Aunt Betty, Coach Vaughn and Conflicts Coming To An End!”

Senior year, Coach Vaughn took over the varsity team.  In those days only a certified teacher could be the coach. He was our coach on paper but Crane’s administration brought in Coach White.  Coach White was well known throughout the basketball community.  He coached several of the legends in many summer tournaments over the years.  All his team won leagues, divisions and championships. His knowledge of the game was impeccable. Coach White was our version of Coach Bobby Knight, the famous volatile coach of the University of Indiana basketball team.

I was thinking this would be my year to break out of my confidence slump and have a good senior year and play guard along side Ernest. Fink would be proud!

Throughout my basketball development, Coach White was the most demanding and intense coach I’ve ever met.  He knew the ins and outs of each position like the back of his hand.  When he took over the team everyone had to earn his position on the team. Our team was close; we truly cared about one another. Ernest “E-Thang” Williams, Walter “Jr Man” Green, Ernest “Brother Ern” Leaks, Michael “Mikey” Lewis and Lamar “Big Dipper” Kimbrough.

I can recall Coach White talking to the guards on the art of playing those positions.  The second guard position in particular he went into great detail about the “art of creating space” to get your shot off if there was a need to go one-on-one at a particular time or just coming off “picks.”

“Nag,” Coach called out to me while Ernest and Walt were executing guard drills.

“Basketball is a chess game in motion. You have to use your mind and intelligence to perform consistently and grow as a player,” Coach said beaming with excitement. “First you have to master the fundamentals and then the sky is the limit. Becoming a great basketball player is a long process. It takes dedication and many hours of practice.”

“Nag, you hear television announcers talking about black basketball players as ‘athletic.’ It’s as if we don’t have minds, are not intelligent, and our bodies are on autopilot out of our mothers’ wombs. Announcers only use ‘intelligent’ when describing white basketball players. Sad time in our country, Nag.”

I looked at him in complete consternation! I knew the 1960’s and the civil rights movement had influenced him as well. But what does this have to do with all of the stuff going on inside me?

He spoke at length about how he wanted to teach us to observe and remember the defender’s idiosyncrasies and weaknesses in defensive schemes. What is he talking about? I did not play chess. So what’s chess got to do with anything?

I didn’t make the starting five that year and lost out to sophomore Walter Green.  Walt was a confident player and impressed Coach White as the last starter on the team.  I was disappointed but deep down I understood and accepted his decision. In between practice breaks Coach White would tell us inspiring stories of the players of the past he’d coached at Crane, around the community and country.  Only if we had a tape recorder! His stories were inspiring to our young minds. Coach White was also perceptive of human nature.

I remember profound remarks he made to me senior year. Coach called me over during a break while all the other players were getting water.

“Nag, come over here for a second.”

“Yeah Coach.”

“I’m not sure why you lack confidence in yourself. You have no idea how talented you are. During practice you work harder than any player on the team. You are one of the most respectful young men I have ever met.  One day when you resolve what’s bothering you inside you will be unstoppable. You will make a wonderful husband to a very deserving young lady.”

I felt truly touched by his sincerity!  His tone of voice, his penetrating focus on my eyes sent chills through me. He and I both knew there was something going on inside of me but neither one of us had any answers.

As respectfully as I could muster I said,“ Thanks Coach,” and we continued practice! Nothing else was ever said again. It was one of those moments I’ve never forgotten. At times it feels like it happen yesterday!

I played a little coming off the bench that year, mainly as a substitute at forward and guard position to rest Ernest or Walt.  Ernest and Walt were playing great together at the guard positions and the team did well under Coach White.

I often wondered, “Why am I receiving all Coach’s insights at this time in my life?”  He imparted most of these insights during practice breaks.

Coach Vaughn attended some of our practices with Coach White to help out. I bonded quickly with Coach Vaughn on the sidelines.  Coach Vaughn never said a demeaning word to me.  He reminded me of Ernest in many ways.

Most of the athletes at Crane gravitated to Coach Vaughn, as he was the varsity football coach.  He was a no nonsense type who let you now where you stood. His mere presence commanded respect and he reminded me a lot of my grandfather.

I wasn’t the only player Coach White would talk to during our practice breaks.

Coach White seemed to sense when one of us needed his guidance.  I often wondered and still wonder how his guidance affected the rest of my teammates. I wonder what he said to them? Did it impact them as much as it did me?

Friday, June 11^th, “Searching Outside The Family For Similar Values, Part VIII, My Senior Year at Crane High School, Late Night Talks with Aunt Betty, Coach Vaughn and Conflicts Coming To An End!”

Tuesday, June 1st, 2010, “Searching Outside Of The Family For Similar Values”, Crane High School, Aunt Betty and my conflicts continue!

Ernest and I made the junior varsity team as freshmen at Crane High School.  That same year “Heavy” was a senior and one of our local legends. Heavy’s original position was guard but he was an intelligent player who understood all of the positions extremely well.  The team that year was full of great senior guards; Nate Williams, Donald Brown, Patrick Hazelwood and James Jackson.  Heavy played center that year.  That year the varsity team made it to the Illinois State Basketball Tournament.  We called it “going down state” when a public team from the city made it to the state tournament.

All of the teams made it down state had to endure extreme amounts of competition from other schools in the city and from other regions.  If your team made it out of its region by playing other city schools, then it had to go to the sectionals and then super-sectionals. Then your team was battle tested and ready for the big show down state against the state’s best.

Ernest and I didn’t get much playing time during our freshmen year while on JV but we were just happy to be on the team.  There were so many other negative activities available to young men in K-Town. The pull to join a gang, sell drugs was strong for so many.  It was all around us daily but basketball and my family was a sanctuary for me.  It kept me focused!

Aunt Betty was the only family member to ever watch me play basketball game during my senior year.  I remember the game, parent’s night.  All of the games started at 3:30 during the weekdays.  My grandfather and grandmother had regular 8-5 jobs and would not get home until the 6:00 or 6:30.

Most of our parents did not attend games. Most of our parents worked in blue-collar positions. As young people of that era we knew they had to work and their attendance was not mandatory to us. They could not take off time from work to watch us play.  Imagine one of our parents informing one their supervisors; “My son is playing in a basketball game this evening and I need to leave at 2:30 in order to make his 3:30 game.” Surely a pink slip would await that parent the next day! We never thought about asking our parents to take off work to watch us play. Still, at the Crane High School games it was standing room only!

Aunt Betty and I had many conversations.  Most of our conversations took place late in the evenings. Most of the conversations revolved around me refraining from getting young girls pregnant!  Aunt Betty stressed to me that I didn’t need that in my life and to focus on going to college. “Little Henry, make something out of yourself by going to college and getting an education,” Aunt Betty would say.  “You know this is what Mamma and Daddy want for you.”

It was her way of saying there is more in life waiting for you and don’t delay the realization of your destiny or purpose in life by bringing kids into the world that you are not capable to taking care of with young girls you don’t intend on marrying.

I can still see her face as she shared her thoughts and insights about the disappointment my grandparents would feel if I brought a child into the world while I was still a child myself. The shame and disappointment was a very heavy burden to carry for a young mind. But Aunt Betty broke it down to me and it made sense.

For some reason, I always knew our conversations were meant for my ears only and so I never shared the conversations with anyone else.  I kept them close to my young mind and heart and often reflected on them.

My family played out the strong hand, the royal flush of guilt, shame, and fear of disappointing them. The hand was played with love though. And it worked. What game might I be playing right now today without that strong suit played out years ago?

June 4^th, 2010, “Searching Outside Of The Family For Similar Values”, Coach Brown, my conflicts continue!

May 25^th, 2010, “Searching Outside Of The Family For Similar Values” Part III, Ernest Leaks, Gladstone Middle School and the “ballers”, “Hook”, “Heavy” and “Fats”, the Freemans.

How can I focus on understanding and living my grandfather’s value system and dedicate so much time and energy to my newfound love of basketball? These conflicts burdened me. I really tried to make sense of life.

You might be thinking that a young man my age would be incapable of such introspective thought. In the 1960s era many people were aware of the civil rights movement. Thinking about larger social issues and how they impacted our individual lives was common for young and old alike.

My grandfather had his own opinions.  Frequently he’d express to me that we have to be careful about asking others to help us, or give us this and give us that.

“Son, we need to come together and build our own schools if that is what is needed”. “Don’t let me hear or see you asking someone to doing something for you that you can do yourself!”

That era raised our consciousness.   We all dealt with it in different ways. Mine was an introspective approach, trying to live a value system taught by loves ones, establishing friends outside of family, and trying to make sense of it all.

My grandfather’s strict values, independence, self-reliance, education and reading, was emphasized. I kept secret my thoughts and feelings until I was older and able to make sense of them.  My grandfather even forbid me eating at someone else’s house. He felt strongly that I was his responsibility.

So many questions I kept secret but pondered them incessantly:

Why is there so much hatred in the world?

Why are we so cruel to one another?

Why is there so much racial hatred in Chicago?

Is the rest of the world like Chicago?

Why don’t white people live in our neighborhood?

Why do men treat women the way they do?

Why is Aunt Ida making me read so much?

I started to realize that it would take total dedication to obtain the basketball skills of our local legends.

Would I ever be as good as a basketball player as “Fats” and “Heavy”?

Do I really want to dedicate so much time and energy to basketball? To what end?

Will my lack of dedication affect my relationship with Ernest and Fink? Can I live with that?

Sometimes I’d play basketball and my young mind would focus on trying to understand my surroundings, making sense of my family system and not disappointing all of my basketball friends.

These friends made it clear to me that I was talented. Fink’s expectations were high during those years. Fink lived and breathed basketball.  Was I able to balance all of these expectations? I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

I failed to live up to my basketball expectations.  My confidence started to suffer. I lacked the confidence to excel because I could not bring myself to dedicate all of my energy to basketball.  I endured many demeaning comments during those middle school and high school years.  I had no answers or resolutions because I never shared them with anyone. Not family. Not friends.

Throughout those school years, Ernest remained supportive and encouraging! “Brother Ern’s” loyalty as a friend helped me tremendously.

As a young man who loved his grandparents and aunts, I obeyed their values with out question. But secrets and conflict continued to haunt me.

June 1st, 2010, “Searching Outside Of The Family For Similar Values” Part IV, Ernest Leaks, “Heavy”, Crane High School and the coaches, my conflicts continue!

May 11^th, 2010, “Searching Outside Of The Family For Similar Values” Part I, Ernest Leaks.

I was very involved in sports.  I loved baseball and attending the White Sox games with my grandfather. Our local community little league baseball team played an important role in maintaining those values.  The most important thing little league did was to help me develop a life long relationship with Ernest Leaks.

Ernest and I met in Kindergarten and remain great friends to this day.

What I admire most about him is his loyalty to his family and friends.  When you became his friend he was always there for you.  He was a great judge of a person’s character and I feel this is due to his family’s value system.   I admired how he respected his mother and stepfather.  Our generation learned to respect our elders, both within our family and outside of it. Earnest’s older brothers had many friends in the community and no one “messed” with them.  Ernest’s older brothers friends were the “Klingons” of our community.  The only thing Ernest had to say was that so and so disrespected me.  The “Klingons” quickly got everyone back on track!

Ernest and I attended the same elementary and middle schools. He was outstanding in math.  He could have been a mathematician if he wanted to be. I read a lot so I was very good at spelling.  We literally helped each other with class work without being asked.

It was sports where we bonded. We gravitated to basketball.  I am not sure if we just got tired of all of the organizing it took for the baseball games against other communities.  It did not take young minds that long to want to do something different.  We did not abandon baseball but we played less organized baseball.  There still were location games among friends in the community.

In gym classes we fell in love with basketball. Our gym teacher, Mr. Trouter, would play with us and taught us the rules and had little tournaments for us during our gym period.  That was it; we were hooked on the game. To this day, I know I gravitate to basketball because I just wanted to be with Ernest and learn and grow with him.

Many older youth would help us with our basketball skill development.  We’d stand on the sidelines of the playground and watch them play. One in particular was a guy we called “Fink”.  In Chicago, we all had nicknames.  Fink took a liking to Ernest and me.  I lived only three blocks from Fink so I saw him often.  One day I was in the local community store and Fink was there with friends playing pool.  We started talking and Fink said that I needed a nickname.

He said I looked like a cartoon character called “Ignatz”, pronounced, “ick-nag” in the cartoon series called “Krazy Kat” by George Herriman. This cartoon concept originated as a comic strip in 1930’s but was shown in the 1960’s as a cartoon. Why Fink decided to name me this was just a moment in time that we will never understand. In those days, you never chose your own nickname, someone who was respected had to give it to you. Once you got one, everyone in the community honored it and called you by your nickname. It was a crazy way of showing respect and affection all at the same time!

Please view the Youtube video on a cartoon segment of the cartoon show “Krazy Kat”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4rQwrTymdM

All of my friends in the Chicago just called me “Nag”.  The character was a mouse that was always throwing bricks at people. The female character “Krazy Kat“ was in love with the mischievous mouse, “Ignatz”.  Fink said I had the same eyes as the mouse. To this day Ernest will always be “Brother Ern” to me.

Fink was influential in our community but had his personal challenges and demons. When we started playing in basketball tournaments it was Fink who coached and encouraged us.  He taught us about many aspects of basketball but he taught us to stay away from drugs and alcohol.  We all knew he used drugs but we knew he was sincere and he didn’t want us to do anything that would harm our abilities.  He saw basketball as a vehicle for us to more forward with our lives.  I know most will find this hard to believe but in those days even the drug users and dealers encouraged us to stay in school, stay out of trouble and don’t use drugs or alcohol.  What irony!

Ernest and I never judge the dealers and users because they were our role models outside of our family.  They all were great basketball players and we wanted to learn the game.  We did not judge the sources we just wanted to become better players. We never saw them use drugs in our presence but we remembered their words of encouragement.  They seem to have accepted their position and for some reason they didn’t see any other alternatives in their lives. But wanted more for us.  After the games ended, they would hang around, tell us about their lives and the mistakes they made. I’d listen to every word they said. Another Fink in the community was a guy we called “Ing”.  He was bright and insightful about what was happening in our country during that time.

There were many other “Finks” in our community and regardless of their situations they really cared about the young people in the community.  They literally believed in the concept that it “takes a village to raise a child”. If we got got out of line, they were the first ones to discipline us verbally. They too were influenced by the era in which we were raised.

Not all the “Finks” in our community used drugs or were dealers. Most were hard working family men who worked blue collars jobs. Some were attending local high schools.  On the weekends, they all played basketball in our community. We were their audience on the sidelines watching their every move!

Fink often told us that we had to start watching some real “ballers” and encouraged us to start going down the Gladstone Middle School playground. Gladstone was attached to a city recreational facility and had organized leagues and some of the best players in the city played there in the summer. Most of the local legends lived blocks from the school.

Two years ago Ernest called me and told me someone robed Fink at gunpoint and shot him dead because he didn’t give them the money fast enough!

After a long conversation with Ernest about Fink and his influence on our young minds growing up during those years we concluded our conversation.

That night I cried!

May 18^th, 2010, “Searching Outside Of The Family For Similar Values” Part II, Ernest Leaks, Gladstone Middle School and The Legends, “Hook”, “Heavy” and “Fats”.